Looking back
It has been a longer gap since the last blog than I'd like to have. But sometimes life happens in mysterious ways."Our shadow self is any part of ourselves or our institutions that we try to hide or deny because it seems socially unacceptable." Richard Rohr
There have been a few planned an unplanned trips and it has left me with a lot of home type stuff to catch up on.
We have also added to our Animal Kingdom by the addition of a small puppy (read: sleepless nights, housetraining disasters, planning adjustments) and in other happy news, the escapee turtle found its way back, right into the cage, which I had dismantled and moved by about 100m!
One of many little home type jobs to catch up on, is the weeding of the rather large flower bed. On Friday, Timmy and I decided to tackle the task. I was occupied with the spreading of some wood chippings and asked Timmy to start. He did many trips to the compost bin with large hand-fulls of weeds, but no discernible progress was made. (The haphazard approach of the 6 year old meant there wasn't a single patch completely free of weeds, despite his heroic efforts.)
When I told him it was difficult to see his progress, he wisely replied: "Mommy, if you look at how many weeds there are left, it isn't possible to see. You need to remember what it looked like before and see the pile of weeds I threw away."
Isn't it just like that with any process of change? We need to keep in mind where we started and look at the things that are being removed/ moved/ sorted out etc in order to assess our progress.
I read the quote above, this morning. It struck a cord. The process of facing "the darkness within" isn't pleasant. And the progress hard to measure. Not like this incredible school project Rebekah did, where from this:
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| 1 cm large bean |
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| Over 1m tall flowering plant |
Wouldn't it be nice if all progress was easy to see and measure? If we could deal with our "shadow selves" in tidily labelled, easily quantifiable ways, would we be more willing to do so? And might we learn to embrace this process in ourselves and others better if we would remember to remind ourselves of what it looked like before we started?
"Our success-driven culture scorns all failure, powerlessness, and any form of poverty ...Our shadow is often subconscious, hidden even from our own awareness. It takes effort and life-long practice to look for, find, and embrace what we dismiss and what we disdain. After spending so much energy avoiding the appearance of failure, it will take a major paradigm shift in consciousness to integrate our shadow." Richard RohrI am still trying to process this ... I am sure I will be mulling it over for days to come. But I know this: I want to be a person fully aware of and able to embrace my shadow side. In living this freedom, I hope to create the space for others to do the same. I think we all could use a break from trying to outrun our shadows, couldn't we? And finally, I want to remember the wisdom of my boy, and remind myself of where I have come from when I feel discouraged in the process.
PS My cousin recently posted this photo of our grandparents on Facebook. Its a sad truth that I never knew my grandfather, who died when I was 1. But I love these old photos, for the reminders of all the good in my life, the beautiful heritage I can never earn and the shaping of myself in unseen ways.
Oh how beautiful! I love Timmy's words and your ability to relate them to more important things than weeds in a garden. Those shadows we try to hide are actually such an essential part of who we are and, I think, are meant to be stepping stones to making us who we're meant to be. It is by recognizing our weaknesses and faults that we we find the opportunity to work toward the kind of growth that really matters. Painful, slow and sometimes indiscernible as the process and growth is, I believe it's kind of why God put us here, to see who we can really be.
ReplyDeleteI love your perspective on this!
DeleteThank you for being my travel partner on this incredible journey.