Embracing the ordinary

The lies of our times

Yesterday I attended a coffee morning at a lovely hotel, organised by IWAK (International Women's Association of Krakow).

At all their events, they invite a photographer to document the time we spend together, drinking coffee, chatting and laughing together. It is such a lovely idea. And YET, I often find photos of myself, looking completely normal and ordinary ... by which I mean: Completely lost in the moment whilst talking/ listening, eating and drinking with abandon, laughing in unselfconscious ways. My face takes on all the various stages of animation. And I never achieve the illusive "ideal" of looking effortlessly graceful.

When I saw this picture of myself, I thought: "do my eyes really look that wonky?" and "I bet my Mom would love this photograph. I look happy and she'd love to see that!"

So, I went ahead and sent it to her with this message: 

"Yesterday we had a coffee morning with a Valentine’s theme. (We being IWAK - international women’s association of krakow. A fun group of women from all around the world who live in and around Krakow.) There is always a photographer and she got a good shot of me. 

Now when I say good shot, I mean I was the focus of her shot 🙂 I think my eyes look wonky and weird, but then I remember how much you’d like to see my "Wonky weird" eyes and hug me close. So I’m sending you this photo with all my love and as much “not taking myself too seriously” as I can muster. ❤️" "

And then I went one step further and posted it on Facebook. Because, I think these ordinary acts are subversive and also, I have other family and friends who live far away and might like to see me in my ordinariness. But also because I think I'm not alone. I think there are many women feeling "less than" because of some ideal or thinking they should feel "less than", but secretly quite content.

As the enormity of what I had done sunk in, I was reminded of a series of articles in a well known women's magazine in South Africa in the early 90's. The contrasted Lady Diana and Fergie and the kind of photographs taken of them. Diana looked shy, demure and glamorous and Fergie outrageously "alive" and in the moment with a vast array of facial expressions, all deemed unfit for a Royal. The message was so clear: be a Diana, not a Fergie. Compose your face, smile demurely (thereby avoiding wonky eyes!) and never get caught off guard and in the actual moment. Today I say: "You were wrong! Some people will always photograph well and look effortlessly graceful. And others won't. And both are good enough! But so much more than that, we don't have time to compose our faces and smile demurely. We are way too busy living with wild abandon in all our ordinary glory!"

Now, I have been pondering "ordinariness" for several months. There is such a drive to creating extraordinary lives, and if we can't manage that, to at least celebrate the ordinary -which by definition will elevate it above the other moments of ordinariness. But, what if ordinary were enough? What if, when I look at a well composed photo of my 45 year old self, smiling, wonky eyed and looking happy, I can say: "I'm embracing ordinary and finding contentment in this life. Not in the one I feel I should be creating, but this actual life I am living now."

I hope that in sharing some of my random and vulnerable thoughts, we can travel this road of embracing the ordinary together and find the peace, contentment and joy that resides there. 

Thanks for reading!

PS here is another photo of me from that event ... I caption it: "fully in the moment"