I am happy you were born!

Trigger warning: I talk about an attempted suicide.

This past week, one of the much loved teachers at the school our children attend, had a birthday.

I was aware of it because of Facebook. (Yes, as a social networking tool, it is pretty awesome!) And I considered what I wanted to say to this man. These are some of the things I thought about:

• He partners with us to educate our children and has a hand in shaping their perceptions of the world around them. That is a very significant thing.
• And as a person, he is likeable and an inspiration as he seeks to continue growing and learning, has a sense of humour and engages the people around him.
• Our children look up to him as someone with important information to impart in a unique way that inspire them to continue the process of learning outside the classroom.
• He plays a significant role in the life of our school.

After thinking about all of that, I came back to what I say to everyone in my circle that celebrates a birthday. "I am happy you were born. You make the world a better place because ... I hope you enjoy being celebrated today."

And that is what I wrote.
He was kind enough to comment later in the day that it had really moved him. And I was glad. That had been my purpose. I intentionally communicated appreciation for this person's nature and mere presence in our lives. Although I am grateful for all he does, I can't get away from the thought that we make a difference just by our existence. That our birth alters the fabric of the universe.

* * *

At the beginning of my 20's, I inexplicably suffered a major depressive episode. I say inexplicable because there was no discernible reason for its having started.

I was doing well in my studies, had a supportive circle of friends, had good relationships within my family and was engaged to a lovely guy.

And yet it struck hard and fast.

After an eight month battle which involved several stays in psychiatric hospitals to ensure my safety, trying different anti-depressives and trying to work through possible emotional stressors or causes, I grew weary and hopeless. And decided that suicide was my last option from the dreariness of life.

It is obvious that my attempt was unsuccessful, but it was touch and go for a few days. And I remember clearly the added humiliation of waking up in a ward of the very hospital I was training at.

The doctor taking care of me was a kind and compassionate woman in her late twenties, just a few years older than myself, and she asked me many questions. But the one that sticks in my mind most clearly, is: "Are you glad you woke up?"

I was more than ambivalent to this question and could not give a definitive "yes" answer.

It is strange to write about that period of my life now, more than 20 years later and realise what I have since learnt, but wish I had known then.

My life matters and I would leave a hole in the lives of the people around me, were I not here.

To the doctor's question, I can say a clear yes now. I am glad I survived. But more than that, I am glad I was born.

* * *

The reason I started thinking about these seemingly separate occurrences, was an event at our school. They celebrate World Peace Day annually and think of a different theme each year. 

Before the event started this year, they paused to reflect on what they had discussed last year and the conclusion they had reached, which was that every person can make a difference. Whether they are directly affected by conflict and its consequences, or have the privilege of only hearing about it second hand.

Every life has an impact on their circle of influence.

And there it was, the connection I have felt for many years, but needed to be reminded of:

"We all need to hear that our lives matter. That people are glad we were born. That we make the world a better place because of our essence and not just the things we do."

Therefore, if Facebook does its job and reminds me of your birthday, you can expect me to remind you of these truths. And I do hope that you are surrounded by people that celebrate your birth and the person you are. But if you aren't, rest assured, I will do so on their behalf. Because you matter and your life has undoubtably impacted mine in many ways, just because we met.